marriage

1st 365 Days of Marriage – Part 2

I am so glad you’ve come to see what Part 2 is all about! If you haven’t yet had the chance to read Part 1, I encourage you to go check it out so you can grasp the background to this post and all the goodness of the entire 10 lessons. Like I mentioned in Part 1, these lessons have all been lived and experienced. Whether you’re married, engaged or patiently waiting, I hope you are able to embrace these lessons and see how they relate to your very own “Ruth” or “Boaz” (Ruth chap 2-4).

So let’s not delay, let’s get right to it!

6. Love and Respect

This was something we tried to nail down prior to being married – but like many other things, you really don’t know or understand it until you live it. After David and I read “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, we had a better understanding of our actions and reactions. More often than not, our responses stemmed from the disconnect between what we felt we were lacking and what we were actually receiving.

“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Eph 5:33 (NKJV) {bold emphasized by me}

It may have been mid-conversation, or even after we had “adjourned” (only to return to finish a conversation at a later point)…whenever it was, one of three things was always clear: my husband wasn’t being “loving”; I wasn’t being “respectful”; or, both! This may have been evidenced by our body language, tone of voice, length of response, or simply by the words we would (or would not) use.  Did my husband express love? Did I show respect?

Once we made the effort to notice how our behavior can impact each other, it made a world of difference! We began to embrace the fact that my husband’s make up as a man, and mine as a woman, are truly different – we had to put one another’s needs before our own. In turn, we’d receive that which we desired from one another all along.

Some other bible verses on Love and Respect: John 15:12 (NKJV), Eph 5:25 (NKJV)

7. Your words are powerful

“Sticks and stones may break our bones but words can never hurt me!” As a child this was the classic response we’d give to mean or hurtful words. Even though many of us said this as children, we really didn’t mean it – because words can actually hurt.  But words can also bring healing.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.”- Proverbs 18:21 (AMP)

It’s amazing how insensitive our words can be towards the ones we love the most. These words may be expressed from our frustration, irritability, pride (there’s that word again) or passive aggressiveness. Nevertheless, I have learned that we (my husband and I) can’t make excuses for ourselves based on our emotional state, it’s never “okay”, and we can’t be given a pass on our words or actions. My husband was, and still is, very good about communicating to me that “as an adult” and, more pointedly, as a child of God, we have to be better, we have to want to be better, and we have to desire to be more like Jesus in all of our ways.

This always reminds me of the “authority” that our words have.  If I were to compare the moments where I “puffed” my husband up with all the loving, encouraging, and most supportive words, compared to the times where I was nagging, annoyed, or just plain rude the results were night and day! One would bring joy, love/respect (mentioned in #6), and security whereas the other only stirs up strife and arguments. It’s no fun…and such a waste of time in the grand scheme of things.

There truly is authority when you speak the promises and blessings of God in the midst of something that is out of our control.  Instead of fretting or worrying – speak life! Life always wins in our home!

Some other bible verses on Your Words are Powerful: Prov 15:1 (NKJV), Prov 15:4 (NKJV), Prov 16:24 (NKJV), Col 3:8-10 (NLT)

8. Have Fun Together

Laugh, laugh, and laugh some more! There is nothing that brings more joy to the ears of your spouse than the sound of your laugh. I had to learn to just laugh more, as one who naturally takes things more serious, I had to lighten up! Now you can’t stop me from laughing at my husband about certain things I find to be hilarious. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I just can’t help it! And once I start he joins in – the cutest!

We love to go Kayaking!

So then, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of [our great] God. – 1Cor 10:31 (AMP)

I don’t think I would have most of these 10 lessons to share if we didn’t spend as much time together as we did this past year. The amount of growth that came from us creating time together, and allowing ourselves to get to know each other intimately was invaluable. Some of my favorite random memories include going for a late night drive and grabbing a small bag of onion rings from A&W, snacking and riding around to no where in particular and having a heart-to-heart; we’d share our individual and family goals, while holding hands and singing our favorite worship songs (or old-school R’n’B love songs!).  Another is when we would binge watch our favorite super hero show on Netflix while eating takeout from our favorite Asian spot – the simple things.

Some other bible verses on Have Fun Together: Proverbs 5:18-19 (Living Bible TLB)

9. You’re a Family Now

I’m naturally a daddy’s girl and my husband has always drawn close to his mother, these are pretty common traits, and almost expected. But the day we said “I do” everything changed; the family dynamic we were so used to transitioned, and it became “he and I”.

For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” – Eph 5:30-31 (NKJV)

My Husband and I.

Our priorities began to change; one another’s needs and security became most important the moment we were married. However, there were still parts of us that would be subject to the influence of outside parties. It was at that moment what I understood how integral protecting our little family really was. We could not allow for the outside world’s influences to effect our happy place within our home.

For me as, a new wife, I could no longer run to my dad for advice before first brining it to my husband. From August 25th onward my husband took on the headship of our home and the responsibility of leading and guiding us as he followed God. It was a huge thought when I came to realize that the covering over me was no longer my father’s responsibility (though he will always be a protector in his own right and will always love me dearly), it had been given and gifted to my husband.

I grew to realize that if the scenario ever came about where my husband may have been attacked, questioned or portrayed in a negative way, I would choose to protect and encourage him (never lie, but always cover). Because what we have is special; it is to be fought for, and is to be guarded. We can’t let our family be compromised or tainted by anyone’s outsides opinions – not today, not ever!

10. “Do not Despise Small Beginnings”

It’s funny how anticipation can boil up with the thought of what the future holds. What will we do in Ministry, what type of career will we have, where will we live, how much money will we make, what type of car will we drive, how many children will we have, will we go back to school, will we start a business, will we ever move? So on, and so forth.

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin. – Zecar 4:10a (NLT)

With the nurturing presence of the Sun, the plant grows.

It’s so easy to want to rush ahead of life and all the “steps” that comes along with it. I always thought I would have more patience than what I actually had at the beginning and that’s okay – together we worked through it, knowing God’s promises (from His word) for our lives. It’s a beautiful thing to experience the progress and successes unfold, knowing that what we’re actually witnessing is the fruit of our diligence and intentional focus on the plans of God – He delights in that.   

But the path of the just (righteous) is like the light of dawn,
That shines brighter and brighter until [it reaches its full strength and glory in] the perfect day.  – Prov 4:18 (AMP)

When this verse was brought to my attention a few months back I was reminded of just how good God is! The path and plans He has for our lives individually, and as a couple, are empowered and guided through His word and by His precious Holy Spirit – I can rest assured that everything we do and everything we are is in the best of hands!

Well, there you have it, I am so happy that you stuck around until the very end. I truly hope you are able to take a few aspects of what I learned in our first 365 days of marriage and utilize it within your own, now or in the near future! I must say, our marriage isn’t perfect but we are striving for perfection by God’s grace.

Oh and please if you enjoyed anything I mentioned above, leave a comment – I would love to hear from you!

Love & Blessings,

Tanika Marie

2 Comments

  • Mr New

    I really enjoyed ur writing and evenmore ur point of view on marriage i must say this gives me hope 2stay and not give up. Thank u very much 4this blog please keep inspiring!! Mr. New

  • Yvonne Emmanuel

    Thank you babes for this post, it was beautifully written and a great reminder of how our one on ones with God is so important in our growth and journey’s as wives!

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